Let some die a thosand deaths...

And we talked we chattered we chirped in joy till bang it came that much dreaded expiry date. I was told “every good thing comes with an expiry date”. Eternal romantic in me refused to believe. I looked for new excuses to blatantly disobey these outlandish rules.

Smile came on that cruel face and as a child I had to fall in line and yeah had to be abused as well.

So I told myself I befriended this commodity very late in life, ah that expiry date!!!! I always associated that with those much stinking medicines and irony is today I stand victim to the same.

“What leaves you with heavy heart? ” They all ask and I smile, “Well nothing, I tell you”. I pretend and they buy my story. No hold on some one does not take me on face value, cruel world gauges the inner one.

I tell the person “You are too close to be duped”, I can not do that. “Wish I told you a lot earlier but ego is a shield which won’t bare us to each other”. The person shakes head and gives me that assassinating smile.

It pierces me and I am resigned to my fate. “Holy Bible, how untruthful you are!!!!!!”

“You said meek would inherit the earth”. “Truthful would call the shots”. Well, here is a fella awaiting a death of distrust.

“Take it away’ I scream, I am too coward to face it. But haunting voice asks same silly questions, can it be ignored.?. “Yeah It can be why not’ she says. “Hmm, no ignore it at your own peril” He declares. I am torn apart between seemingly all real and caring suggestions.

“Ah how I wish I don’t need a disclaimer attached to my life “all I can wail in pain as I wring my hurt emotions…………………………

Being Revisited

And quivering shadow beckons comes sheepishly and sits next to me. I have seen it before but my memory fails me. And it asks in its baritone voice “So, How was it?” The element of sarcasm is irrepressible in its voice. I can spot it. I draw a long pause. How should fire it across. I know what it wants and what it means, but am I intrepid enough to accept it, emboldened to own it?

“Well” I reel off in a trembling unassuring tone, “I know you would come and ask me the same “. “No, I really care for you” It retorts. I can feel pangs of pain and I am on verge of breaking but I hold off gallantly, suppressing all those emotions which undid me in past.

“Ah, really my angel” I end up saying dryly, very sarcastically. It shows a concerned face but knows has been cornered for a while. It raises a hand as to object to me as if the professed sarcasm were blasphemous. I wave it away with disdain I have always reserved for Them. “How should I prove I am really concerned “It utters in a very cagey manner.

I look around; it’s pitch dark and all I can here few dogs whimpering down the next street.

No no wait I am glued to that strange undecipherable sound , have clutched to it yet all I can think its coming from the debris staring at my house up there. Not sure though.

Bad omen, really bad omen I feel. Only a Caesar can show contempt for such omens not me , I am not eager to embrace my maker now, I think and let a faint smile escape my lips.

An awkward silence grips us. I silently pray to God, “Let it be awkward, harsh reality would shear me, let me escape it once more”. Silhouette I see is in no such mood; it anticipates my prayer and smiles knowing God is mere mortal today.” So, would you open yourself” the eeriness is perceptible as It trails off. “But that was long ago, why it popped up again today, I could not bow to those whims and wishes, that insatiable desire for more of me drove me crazy” I heard myself telling him drawing all that fire I thought was quenched long ago, ah tonight I knew it kept on smoldering . “Weirdly trying to justify it “I am snubbed. “No, the culprit is that fleeting moment, which I can’t invoke now how hard, may I try” I make a pale attempt to philosophize. I offer him a cigarette. “But they said you don’t smoke” He queries me. “Yes, I don’t” I mumble. It’s to keep swine like you happy. Let you make some rings, give me precious moment to scurry for cover I am tempted to snap. “Thanks, I am sure it is not a sweetener” He says. “No, assault me I lie bare here” I have given up now. Predator is gauging its prey. I guess it is fiddling and masking its next move. Prey is trapped it knows, it is there for asking all at its mercy. Prey is asking for that coup de grace, awaiting the inevitable. Has ever a prey justified things to its predator, better wait and let It hasten my agony. Wistfully I want my maker to concur with me. Rings of desire being smoked in my face, I inhale it heartily and want to guess my tormentor’s next move. Our eyes meet, confrontation is imminent. It lowers its head and mutters under its breath. “Await the agony, anticipate it , it is fun this way” A cruel laugh reverberates my citadel.

Optimism smolders deep down somewhere

Glut of emotions flush me

And introspection hastens inevitable

Conscience is lurking behind

Truth to deep to fathom.

Gloomy smile covers up the scars

Jarring note in harmony of happiness

Stifling is this nostalgia

Deeper I dig, shallower I feel

Pretensions have wings

They take far away

From blurring footprints of time

Careening off to another fallacy

Blushing optimism winks at me

Gleam in her eyes not unnoticed

Rouge of truth eminent on her face.

She dispels that gloomy despair

Casting shadows of doubt washed away,

Mirage disappears, sunshine caresses me.