Being Revisited

And quivering shadow beckons comes sheepishly and sits next to me. I have seen it before but my memory fails me. And it asks in its baritone voice “So, How was it?” The element of sarcasm is irrepressible in its voice. I can spot it. I draw a long pause. How should fire it across. I know what it wants and what it means, but am I intrepid enough to accept it, emboldened to own it?

“Well” I reel off in a trembling unassuring tone, “I know you would come and ask me the same “. “No, I really care for you” It retorts. I can feel pangs of pain and I am on verge of breaking but I hold off gallantly, suppressing all those emotions which undid me in past.

“Ah, really my angel” I end up saying dryly, very sarcastically. It shows a concerned face but knows has been cornered for a while. It raises a hand as to object to me as if the professed sarcasm were blasphemous. I wave it away with disdain I have always reserved for Them. “How should I prove I am really concerned “It utters in a very cagey manner.

I look around; it’s pitch dark and all I can here few dogs whimpering down the next street.

No no wait I am glued to that strange undecipherable sound , have clutched to it yet all I can think its coming from the debris staring at my house up there. Not sure though.

Bad omen, really bad omen I feel. Only a Caesar can show contempt for such omens not me , I am not eager to embrace my maker now, I think and let a faint smile escape my lips.

An awkward silence grips us. I silently pray to God, “Let it be awkward, harsh reality would shear me, let me escape it once more”. Silhouette I see is in no such mood; it anticipates my prayer and smiles knowing God is mere mortal today.” So, would you open yourself” the eeriness is perceptible as It trails off. “But that was long ago, why it popped up again today, I could not bow to those whims and wishes, that insatiable desire for more of me drove me crazy” I heard myself telling him drawing all that fire I thought was quenched long ago, ah tonight I knew it kept on smoldering . “Weirdly trying to justify it “I am snubbed. “No, the culprit is that fleeting moment, which I can’t invoke now how hard, may I try” I make a pale attempt to philosophize. I offer him a cigarette. “But they said you don’t smoke” He queries me. “Yes, I don’t” I mumble. It’s to keep swine like you happy. Let you make some rings, give me precious moment to scurry for cover I am tempted to snap. “Thanks, I am sure it is not a sweetener” He says. “No, assault me I lie bare here” I have given up now. Predator is gauging its prey. I guess it is fiddling and masking its next move. Prey is trapped it knows, it is there for asking all at its mercy. Prey is asking for that coup de grace, awaiting the inevitable. Has ever a prey justified things to its predator, better wait and let It hasten my agony. Wistfully I want my maker to concur with me. Rings of desire being smoked in my face, I inhale it heartily and want to guess my tormentor’s next move. Our eyes meet, confrontation is imminent. It lowers its head and mutters under its breath. “Await the agony, anticipate it , it is fun this way” A cruel laugh reverberates my citadel.